Study Finds 1 in 3 Women Keep a “Backup Guy” — And It’s Stirring Heated Debate

A revealing new study out of the United Kingdom has ignited fierce conversations about love, loyalty, and what it really means to be committed. The headline-grabbing statistic? Nearly one in three women admit to having a “backup guy” — a man they’d consider dating if their current relationship fell apart.

The findings, which come from a survey conducted by UK-based relationship researchers, pull back the curtain on a dynamic that’s rarely discussed openly but might be more common than anyone realized.

Who Is the “Backup”?

For many women, the backup man isn’t a random stranger waiting in the wings — he’s often someone they already know intimately:

• A former partner who still lingers in the background

• A long-time friend who’s confessed interest

• A coworker who flirts just enough to make things complicated

Some even admitted to maintaining ongoing contact with their backup guy during their current relationship — texting occasionally, checking in on social media, or keeping the emotional bond intact “just in case.”

One respondent, 29-year-old Sarah* (name changed), explained:

“I’m happy in my relationship. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about what it would be like if things didn’t work out. Having someone who’s shown interest… it’s a comfort.”

What the Experts Say

Psychologists say the phenomenon, while controversial, taps into basic human psychology.

“This isn’t always about infidelity or deceit,” says Dr. Hannah Melrose, a psychologist specializing in relationships. “For some, it’s about emotional security. Knowing there’s someone out there who values them — especially if things become unstable — can provide comfort.”

Dr. Melrose notes that while men also maintain backup relationships, women may be more attuned to emotional intimacy, making the emotional connection with a “plan B” more significant.

“It’s not always physical. It’s about keeping that door slightly ajar — emotionally.”

Is This a Threat to Modern Relationships?

While some social commentators argue that this is simply a reflection of realistic emotional planning, others see it as a serious red flag.

“It’s like having one foot out the door before you’ve even tried to make things work,” says Kevin Daniels, a relationship coach and author. “It chips away at trust, even if the partner never finds out.”

According to the study, over 40% of women who admitted to having a backup said they believed their current partner had no idea.
Even more interesting — 12% said their backup guy had explicitly told them he was “waiting” in case her current relationship failed.

And in some cases, he is.

Social Media Reacts

As the story went viral, social media platforms exploded with mixed reactions.

On Twitter and TikTok:

• “Backup guys? That’s emotional cheating.”

• “Honestly, men have done this forever. Women are just being honest now.”

• “If I’m your backup, I better get promoted eventually.”

The debate reflects a deeper cultural shift in how people view relationships — especially in the age of instant connection, DMs, and the constant availability of “options.”

The Gender Divide

Interestingly, when asked, most women surveyed did not see keeping a backup guy as a betrayal. They considered it more of a mental or emotional safety net, especially in long-term relationships where they feel uncertain, undervalued, or underappreciated.

But many men disagreed.

“If I found out my girlfriend was texting some dude ‘just in case’ — we’d be done,” said Jason R., 33, from Texas. “That’s not loyalty.”

Relationship experts suggest that while backup partners may provide temporary reassurance, they can also undermine commitment and prevent couples from confronting issues head-on.

“It’s a subtle form of self-sabotage,” says Dr. Melrose. “You’re never fully present in the relationship you’re in.”

So, What’s the Takeaway?

Like it or not, the concept of a “backup guy” seems to be woven into the modern dating landscape — especially among women who’ve been hurt, who value emotional security, or who feel uncertain about their future.

It doesn’t mean every woman has one.
It doesn’t mean every relationship is at risk.
But it does force an uncomfortable question:

If your partner’s heart had an emergency exit… would you even know it was there?