Riley Gaines will be inducted into the NCAA Collegiate Hall of Fame
Riley Gaines Makes NCAA Hall of Fame—Without Winning Gold or Even a Plaque
In a move that sent shockwaves through locker rooms and logic textbooks across the country, the NCAA has reportedly selected Riley Gaines for induction into the NCAA Collegiate Hall of Fame.
Why?
“Because she stood next to someone who won and felt like she should’ve,” said one anonymous source who may or may not have been a cardboard cutout of an SEC booster.
🏆 “Champion by Vibe Check”
According to the satirical statement released by fake NCAA representatives:
“Riley was named Champion after all was said and done, and she’s done more for women in sports than any other athlete on the ballot.”
The twist? Gaines never actually won the title in question. But after UPenn allegedly “vacated” Lia Thomas’s wins in a fantasy court of public opinion (not recognized by any governing sports body), a retroactive wave of recognition swept in.
💌 Letters from the Locker Room
“We’ve received thousands of letters from young girls who consider her a role model,” the fake statement continued.
“Which, in NCAA terms, is worth at least three gold medals and a half-full Gatorade bottle.”
🏊 What’s Next for Gaines?
Gaines is rumored to be working on a line of “Moral Victory Medals” that shimmer under fluorescent gym lighting and dissolve in the pool. Sources close to the situation say she plans to open the Riley Gaines Institute for Retrospective Wins, which will offer emotional training on how to feel like a champion—even if you lose.
📣 Expert Analysis
Dr. Linda Benchpress, Professor of Satirical Sports Psychology at the University of Made-Up, commented:
“This is an unprecedented leap in athletic recognition—finally validating the age-old rule: If you stand near the winner and write enough op-eds, you too can get a trophy.”
🧾 Satire Disclaimer:
This article is fictional and entirely satirical. Riley Gaines has not been inducted into the NCAA Hall of Fame, and the NCAA has not vacated Lia Thomas’s wins. All quotes, characters, and events are parodies meant for humor and commentary—not factual reporting.
