Lia Thomas Issues “Ultimatum of the Century” Over Elon Musk: Threatens to Leave America if Billionaire Isn’t Deported
In an unexpected twist no one asked for, Lia Thomas, the polarizing transgender swimmer once at the heart of NCAA controversy, took to her personal social media page to declare war—not on a rival swimmer, but on tech mogul Elon Musk.
In a post that read more like a Bond villain’s manifesto than a serious civic proposal, Thomas stated:
“If Elon Musk isn’t kicked out of this country, I’ll be the one to leave. Enough is enough.”
The internet, naturally, imploded.
Elon Musk vs. Lia Thomas: Who Stays, Who Goes?
The declaration sent shockwaves through comment sections everywhere. From political junkies to people who haven’t logged off Reddit in 9 years, everyone had something to say.
Some responded with high-octane sarcasm:
“Wait, we have to choose between the guy who launched a car into space and the swimmer who launched Twitter arguments into the stratosphere?”
Others tried reasoning with Thomas:
“Lia, America has 331 million people. Most of us are just trying to afford eggs.”
And then came the memes. Within minutes, X (formerly Twitter) was flooded with doctored images of Thomas boarding a SpaceX rocket “on her way out.”
But Why Elon Musk?
Thomas didn’t specify what Elon Musk had done to warrant deportation. Some speculate it’s Musk’s frequent jabs at “woke ideology,” or his platform X being a hub of less-than-friendly free speech.
Others believe it was simply a Thursday and Thomas felt spicy.
Regardless, the question stands: Can one person’s displeasure with another’s tweets warrant national expulsion? The Constitution says no, but apparently Instagram says yes.
Musk’s Silence Is Loud
As of publishing time, Elon Musk has not responded directly. Sources close to the situation claim Musk laughed out loud, whispered “drama queen,” and continued designing an underground tunnel beneath Iowa.
But X insiders suggest he might be planning a counter-strike—in the form of a meme of Thomas swimming in outer space. Others say he’s considering inviting her to Mars just to “reboot the gender debate on another planet.”
Feminists, Libertarians, and Gamers All Confused
Unlikely coalitions have formed. Feminist groups who once criticized Thomas now find themselves defending her freedom to speak out. Libertarians are torn between “don’t tread on anyone” and “don’t deport billionaires.” Gamers are just confused she wasn’t mad at Nintendo.
One Reddit thread with 25,000 upvotes asked:
“Are we living in a dystopian novel written by someone on expired allergy meds?”
Possibly.
Will She Leave?
Despite the threats, Thomas remains in the U.S. as of today. Sources say she’s “reevaluating her options,” possibly looking at Iceland, New Zealand, or that one island near Fiji with no internet.
Meanwhile, a Change.org petition titled “Let’s Just All Calm Down” has reached 78,000 signatures in 24 hours.
Final Thoughts
In a world full of serious issues—war, inflation, climate change—we can always count on America to deliver one thing: public figures arguing online about who should leave the country next.
Next week?
Kanye demands Taylor Swift be relocated to Canada unless she releases a duet with him. Stay tuned.
Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire and should not be interpreted as factual reporting. All characters, quotes, and events are fictitious or exaggerated for comedic effect. For real news, consult verified journalism sources.
