Jimmy Kimmel Announces END of His Show & Bids Farewell to America – “I’m Moving to Canada and NEVER Coming Back!”
The late-night world is in shock (or maybe mild confusion) after Jimmy Kimmel, host of Jimmy Kimmel Live!, supposedly declared an end to his two-decade-long run and announced he’s packing his bags for Canada… forever.
On last night’s “broadcast” (which some claim looked suspiciously like a green-screened moose lodge), Kimmel reportedly told viewers:
“This is it. I’m moving to Canada, and I’m never coming back. I hear they have universal healthcare and poutine. Honestly, that’s all I need in life.”
The End of an Era
For over 20 years, Kimmel has been the sarcastic big brother of late-night TV — the guy who roasted celebrities, made politicians squirm, and somehow got Matt Damon to be the butt of a decade-long running joke. His alleged farewell marks the end of one of television’s most iconic talk shows… assuming this wasn’t just a setup for a skit about Canadian bacon.
Why Canada?
In the “announcement,” Kimmel cited a combination of political burnout, a need for quieter living, and, of course, syrup.
“Canada just feels right. Less noise, more moose. Plus, they have Tim Hortons on every corner — and if I play my cards right, maybe they’ll name a donut after me.”
He also hinted at a future side hustle involving “Maple Syrup ASMR” videos on YouTube.
What’s Next for Kimmel?
Kimmel joked that he might appear in a Canadian sitcom titled How I Moosed Your Mother or open a hockey-themed vegan restaurant. He also teased writing a memoir called Sorry, America.
Farewell… Or Not?
The show ended with a teary-eyed montage of moments from the past two decades, including the time he dressed as a Jedi and the infamous “I’m f***ing Ben Affleck” music video.
Just as fans were beginning to panic, a disclaimer appeared in small print:
“The preceding announcement may or may not have been made up for entertainment purposes. Jimmy Kimmel is not moving to Canada, at least not yet. This is satire, folks — put the passports down.”
So for now, America still has its Kimmel. But somewhere in the distance, a maple leaf flutters… waiting.
Satire Disclaimer:
This article is fictional and entirely satirical. Riley Gaines has not been inducted into the NCAA Hall of Fame, and the NCAA has not vacated Lia Thomas’s wins. All quotes, characters, and events are parodies meant for humor and commentary—not factual reporting.
