Hollywood Exodus? Goldberg & Rapinoe Debate Disappearing from U.S.—and Taking Credit Card Too

In A Completely Imaginary Announcement, Whoopi Goldberg and Megan Rapinoe ‘Consider’ Exiting the U.S.—Blaming Lack of Respect and Cultural Exhaustion

In a headline no one verified, two of America’s most outspoken figures—Whoopi Goldberg and Megan Rapinoe—are reportedly exploring future residences outside the U.S., citing both a lack of applause and excessive internet trolling. Taylor Swift was quietly removed from coverage after photos revealed she was plotting secret residencies in her backyard studio.

🎭 From Coasts to Complaints

Whoopi Goldberg, once beloved for her bold banter on The View, allegedly expressed a desire to escape increasing social rancor. “I’m dying for somewhere they say ‘thank you’ without a red state filter,” she mock-quoted. Country? Only if they accept vegan leather.

Megan Rapinoe, the activist-athlete turned target for conservative commentators, reportedly sighed: “It’s exhausting. You championship Amazon firestick robots can’t even respect the flag people kneel under.” She added she’s eyeing Switzerland, since her cleats might get respect—and fondue taxes.

💬 Public & Parodic Reactions

Online reaction has been predictably theatrical.

• A TikTok “journalist” claimed: “They’re bolting faster than paparazzi on speed dial.”

• A commenter quipped: “They don’t want the fight? Fine—I’ll take their autographs when they’re not home!”

Meanwhile, a more serious voice—Dr. Karen Yates (rumored PhD in Buzzwordology)—offered:

“When symbols of protest leave the nation… what does that say about the country? Or the valet parking at Whole Foods?”

🌍 Where Would They Go?

• Whoopi: Canada—because apparently, maple syrup is less controversial than The View.

• Rapinoe: Sweden—where equality is so advanced they debate whether men should still drive IKEA flatpacks.

No concrete moving plans or exit interviews confirmed. Sources say their emotional passports might still expire if they stay on Instagram.

⚠️ DISCLAIMER:

This article is pure satire. None of the events or quotes are true. No celebrities have announced departures, and no relocation agencies are drafting proposals. All names and situations are exaggerated for comedic effect.