WNBA to Launch Gender Verification Olympics After Learning Brittney Griner Once Beat LeBron in One-on-One
In a move that stunned sports fans and left most scientists giggling into their microscopes, the Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) has announced what it calls the “2026 Gender Verification Games,” citing a need to ensure ‘competitive balance’ after rumors that Brittney Griner once dunked on LeBron James in a private scrimmage.
The league’s new initiative will include events like the Estrogen Endurance Test, the Chromosome Crawl, and the much-feared “Who’s Your Doctor?” lightning round.
“Look, we’re just asking questions,” said WNBA Commissioner Carla BioScan, who wore a lab coat to the press conference “for dramatic effect.” “If a player is 6’9” with a vertical leap higher than a tax bracket, we simply want to make sure she wasn’t grown in a Pentagon facility.”
The controversy began after a fake screenshot circulated on social media showing conservative commentator Karoline Leavitt allegedly calling Griner a “sh!t,” supposedly after discovering “the truth about her gender.” Leavitt has since denied making the comment, stating, “That’s clearly Photoshop—I would have used proper punctuation.”
Griner, long known for her dominance on the court and advocacy off it, responded with a simple post on X (formerly Twitter):
“If being tall and awesome is now suspicious, y’all are gonna love my shoe collection. #StillWinning”
Meanwhile, several WNBA players expressed confusion about the new league directive.
“I just came here to hoop and not get paid,” said one player, anonymously. “Now I’ve gotta take a DNA test before tip-off? Are we playing basketball or auditioning for Jurassic Park?”
The new policy reportedly includes mandatory background checks on baby photos, hormone level audits, and a “Femininity Advisory Panel” featuring a retired beauty pageant judge, Joe Rogan, and someone’s very opinionated aunt from Facebook.
The league insists this is all in the name of fairness.
“We just want to maintain the integrity of the sport,” said a WNBA spokesperson. “You know, the same way we’ve done by paying our athletes pennies and airing games on channels that don’t exist.”
⚠️ DISCLAIMER:
This article is a satirical piece created purely for entertainment. No part of this is factual, and any resemblance to real people, organizations, or events is entirely coincidental (or hilariously absurd).
